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| 01.08.2009 - P.Net Critic's Corner: Street Style | 4:33 PM | | Author: RP (randy@pollestad.net) | Score 0/5 (0 Votes) |
| A lot of people like to think that just because we've purposefully locked ourselves up high in our ivory tower, we don't have any idea what's going down in the hoods of America. Don't let the multi-billion dollar corporate facade of P.Net Enterprises fool you -- we're still very much in touch with our inner gang member and we know a thing or two about the streets. For example, we know where not to go after it gets dark and how to turn and run in the opposite direction if you see someone you suspect might be Muslim. But the beat of the street doesn't stop there.
Fashion is as timeless as timelessness itself and nowhere outside of Paris is fashion taken more seriously than in housing projects across the globe. Today, the P.Net Critic's Corner comes back for a second round, this time to honor the true heroes of fashion in the streets. Myself, along with my co-host Johnny "Blackie" Truth, take a look at the best that streetstyle.com has to offer. Strap yourself in as we journey down through...
P.Net Critic's Corner presents Street Style!
RP: StreetStyle.com bills itself as a global fashion exchange where you can upload photos of your hottest outfits, crazy sneaker collections, denim obsessions - whatever you're wearing right now.
J.Truth: Outfits that I wouldn't be caught dead in. Well, not that I would really have a choice with me being already dead and all.
RP: I wonder if there is some sicko who roams the streets, murdering people and then dressing them up in silly clothes after the fact, just to make them look ridiculous.
J.Truth: That is a fate worse than drowning.
RP: That is streetstyle.com.
RP: I had this same outfit but it got confiscated by the police.
J.Truth: Street Style apparently dictates the need for having and using more than one mattress at a time.
RP: And neither should have sheets fitted properly on them.
J.Truth: You only need sheets on a mattress if you plan on sleeping on it. Clearly that is not the case here.
RP: You know, whenever I start brainstorming about what might be the perfect place to take a picture that will truly show off my new style, I often tell myself that standing on a mattress in a nasty ass room is the most ideal place to do it.
J.Truth: It's that kind of thinking that makes the ladies go wild.
RP: But the fellas will still respect me for my "I don't give a damn about clean" attitude.
J.Truth: The epitome of getting dirty, dirty.
RP: Arm & Hammer Room Deodorizer: When you're too lazy to clean up and you got a fine bitch comin' over at four.
J.Truth: Well, he's got plenty of mattresses to choose from if she's the freaky type.
RP: I like how the McDonald's cups match his outfit. I wonder if that is also part of Street Style. Like maybe Street Style is some kind of bizarre world where not only do your clothes have to match, but also the food you eat.
J.Truth: It looks like someone spilled a bag of Skittles all over his feet on a hot day and they just kind of melted together like that. I hope that he was wearing socks during this whole thing for the sake of his feet.
J.Truth: Or he just got done kicking a clown's ass. Literally.
RP: He also has that really smug look on his face. "Yeah, I know I look silly but I *dare* you to come over here and try to taste the rainbow."
J.Truth: I think that's UFC in the background, too, so you know he's got experience. He lures you in with his boyish looks and then BAM!, chokes you out with a spare mattress.
RP: I spy with my good eye a lotion bottle to aid in porn searching.
J.Truth: It's not just for ashy knees anymore!
RP: I don't get it -- this isn't Street Style at all.
J.Truth: He looks like the guy who fixes my car. Or King Kong Bundy with a Target credit card and gang membership.
RP: He doesn't even match. Well, match to the point that the rest of Street Style matches.
J.Truth: He probably just went around beating random people up and taking their stuff. That's his street style.
RP: That would explain the shoes.
J.Truth: *looks at self in mirror* Yeah, this is worthy of going on the internet. I look good.
RP: Aside from the television, that entire house looks like 1950. Even the pictures on the wall are in black and white.
J.Truth: It's a picture of feet. Who the hell hangs up pictures of feet in their house?
RP: The same kind of person who keeps their ironing board in the living room.
J.Truth: This mother fucker got surround sound with one speaker.
RP: Dolby 1.3.
J.Truth: "Come on, mom. I'm going to be late!"
RP: "Now, now Roger, just one picture before you leave for your big day at school."
J.Truth: "Can I at least put my hat on?"
RP: "No hats in the house, Roger. You know the rules."
J.Truth: "Aight, well, at least let me get a picture in front of them flower curtains. The homies on the street will know I'm for real then."
RP: Ducks in the window means that you're hardcore.
RP: Stupid Forrest Gump. Here I am trying to show off my fly apparel and he had to come sit next to me.
J.Truth: Mother fucker won't stop talking about shrimp and shit.
RP: And he won't share any of his chocolate. I'm fucking hungry!
J.Truth: I, too, enjoy supporting my favorite sports team by wearing completely different colors than they wear.
RP: I will admit that the statue is pretty creepy.
J.Truth: It's like one of those things that no matter where you're standing, he always seems to be looking at you.
RP: Almost accusatory.
J.Truth: "I know you stole that pack of gum."
RP: "I know that you illegally downloaded music from the internet."
J.Truth: "I know you masturbated to thoughts of your sister."
J.Truth: I think I can safely say that we've all masturbated to thoughts of his sister.
RP: Unless she appeared in Hunting & Fishing Quarterly, then I doubt I have. It's the only periodical I get now.
J.Truth: That bitch reminds me of jalapeno peanut butter. She's hot but chunky.
RP: Well, at least Tom Hanks is rockin' a suit.
J.Truth: That's gotta suck to be shown up by a piece of plastic.
RP: Statue style.com -- hitting the internet soon!
And that's all of the time that we have for making fun of people's clothing today. Stay tuned for more because as long as the internet keeps producing really stupid shit, we'll be here to talk trash about it. |
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I did an audit this past month and discovered that I had spent more than $600 on alcohol, so I have decided to give it up.
The auditing, not the alcohol.
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