Sources on this one vary but most religious tomes say that the prime age for a cat to start learning about Jesus is between one and two years old. Anything more or less and the cat will start foaming at the mouth, have spastic convulsions, and reject Jesus as our lord and savior. Also, if you're teaching your cats about religion, then you really need a new hobby, preferably one that involves you breathing through a tube that is connected to your exhaust pipe.

Poor Saakashvili. I'm not sure what you did to piss off those 7,500 people but I really feel bad for your balls. Drop me a line sometime if you ever need another pair. I've been killing transient people for years and I have plenty of spare parts.

While I can sympathize with the fact that you have no friends, the fact that you might also be wondering why you have so much gas leads me to believe that one might be causing the other. Also, if you're peeing all the time and speak about nothing but your green poop, you're not exactly the life of the party. (Unless said party takes place in a bathroom and it just so happens to be St. Patrick's Day.)

Thanks to Google, we can finally put to rest the age old argument about whether rape is funny or not funny. Apparently, 2.3 million more people think that rape is funny versus not so it's time to jump on the bandwagon. Also, you'd be hard pressed to argue with the logic that rape is like saying hello, just more violent. I don't think rape is anything like the weather.

When did you stop beating your wife? When I got tired. Alternative answer: when she started showing. With twins. Twins who were smoking and dressed in maternity clothes. That's the stuff of nightmares. You only have yourself to blame, wife.

You know, I understand that the guy gets a bad rap in some circles but for crying out loud, he already turned water into wine and then died for your sins. I think that after all that, he deserves a little ice cream without having to dance around and make chimpanzee sounds while doing the electric slide. Although that would be pretty cool.

Can your monkey do the dog? Well, I suppose that all depends on how motivated he is. Or how slutty your dog is. Why are you even asking this? Do you even supervise your animals? Seriously though, about asking about the marriage working out thing, chances are good that if you're consulting the internet/Google for advice, probably not.

Is it wrong to laugh? No. Is it wrong to not vote? No. Is it wrong to drink? No. Is it wrong to sleep with your cousin? I don't know, is he/she hot? If the answer is no, then yes. However, it should be noted for the record that it is never, ever, ever wrong to wish on space hardware. Space hardware is my BFF.

God is great. God is also not great. What you probably didn't know is that God is an astronaut and an absolutely outstanding DJ. Unfortunately, I didn't find out until after I booked him that the only music he has on hand are songs by Amy Grant and that one Cher song that he really likes.

Sure, the election was important but that's old news now. Real people demand real answers and the real people really want to know why this "flyer" is pink. Hopefully, one of those 2.4 million web pages has an answer. It would simply be a travesty not to know. Also, I hope that one of those 2.4 million people realize that it's spelled flier not flyer.

The answer is "yes" to everything above with the exception of the fat girls part. Boys don't like fat girls, real men do. Boys stick to skinny virgin girls and read Twilight while on their periods.