It's been less than 24 hours since the teeth pulling marathon that was yesterday afternoon and life goes on, despite my head having more new holes than a recent mafia hit.  The vicodin treatment continues and while not quite making me loopy, it does dull the pain.  And the senses.  My wit is no longer quite as quick as my typical bedroom performance and I feel about as sharp as a special ed class that got held back three grades.  Still, it could be worse.  I went to work for about half a day today and came home and ran three miles just to prove that I could.  Thanks to the piss-poor diet of ice cream and soup backed by the constipation brought on with the antibiotics, I felt some exercise was in order no matter what I felt like.

But rather than spend another update rambling on about this and that, I decided that I was going to introduce you to a special friend of mine by the name of Skip Walker.  Skip Walker is the man, a real power mover in the farming industry.  Skip Walker dates supermodels just to save you the trouble.  Skip Walker pays retail price even though he knows he doesn't have to.  Skip Walker is broadcast in HDTV 24 hours a day and there isn't a remote in the world that can change his channel.  Skip Walker thinks about you during bowel movements simply because that is the kind of guy that Skip Walker is.  Skip Walker travels the world via motorized wheelchair in hopes that it'll someday inspire the handicapped to walk again.  Skip Walker has the power to make laundry detergent with his mind but he only uses his power for good.

Skip Walker was an extra on "Love Boat" but the scene he was in got cut before it went on the air.  But he isn't bitter.  Skip Walker doesn't read Playboy for the articles because Skip Walker is illiterate.  Skip Walker knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.  Skip Walker is dropping thunderous elbows on you from the turnbuckles of life.  Skip Walker has broken every single law ever invented.  Twice.  Skip Walker grew a pair of wings and once raced a 747 from Boston to Dallas.  Skip Walker was the original Wrigley's Doublemint twin.  Skip Walker was once offered the lead role in Star Wars but he turned it down to pursue life as a truck driver.  Skip Walker dines on endangered species because he likes variety.  Skip Walker once had a breast reduction because he found them distracting to his work.

Skip Walker hates milk but drinks it anyway just to spite the cows of the world.  Skip Walker runs red lights because he is colorblind and doesn't care if people know it.  Skip Walker can freestyle rap with the best of MCs but refuses because rhyming is against his religion.  Skip Walker travels often and always sends himself postcards of where he has been.  Skip Walker dreams of pink flowers and unicorns and he's not afraid to admit it.  Skip Walker lives without shame and flies around in a jetpack just to prove it to you.  Skip Walker carries a walkie talkie instead of a cell phone because he thinks cell phones are just a fad.  Skip Walker is the real Iron Chef.  Skip Walker refuses to recognize US Customs laws and continues to import snakes from France despite repeated warnings.  Skip Walker admits that he was never able to color inside the lines and that is one of his biggest disappointments.

Skip Walker doesn't advocate prescription drugs but that's largely because no one has ever asked him to.  Skip Walker once set fire to a McDonalds because they refused to serve him breakfast.  Skip Walker is no criminal but he once found himself involved in a marathon and was running with the wrong crowd.  Skip Walker earns frequent flyer miles despite never having set foot on a plane.  Skip Walker eats marshmellow peanuts because he likes the color orange.  Skip Walker has lost more money in his couch than you will make all year and he's not ashamed about it.  Skip Walker's nutrition label reads like a bottle of fine water.  Skip Walker traveled to the moon just to get away from it all.  Skip Walker refuses to eat potato chips because he despises Irish people.  Skip Walker is a walking dictionary and doesn't need to be magniloquent to prove it.

Skip Walker thinks all politicians are scum except for that one guy from South Dakota.  Skip Walker once drank sewer water because he thought that it would infuse him with great power.  And it did.  Skip Walker is better than Superman ever was and doesn't need a stupid cape to prove it.  Skip Walker owns a chain of soup kitchens in Zimbabwe.  Skip Walker is giving away free pennies to the first 100 people he meets.  Skip Walker will compose and read your eulogy before you're dead, just so that you can hear all the nice things he has to say about you.  You would be wise to hold your tongue when criticizing Skip Walker because he's killed people for less.  Skip Walker hates buy one get one free deals.  Skip Walker is going to bring back the turtleneck because he thinks it's the next great fashion craze.  Skip Walker will sneak into your house late at night and clean your bathroom because he hates the way you live.  Skip Walker knows poverty.

Skip Walker is currently ghostwriting an autobiography of you and he plans to release it on audio tape.  Skip Walker bootlegs VHS tapes in his spare time.  Skip Walker is lawsuit happy.  Skip Walker will argue with you for hours about the difference of tech trance and progressive trance because he feels the subtleties are important.  Skip Walker uses coupons for items that are no longer on sale and gets away with it every time.  Skip Walker invented the color "Burnt Sienna" while stationed in Guam.  Skip Walker cares about you.

The year was 1945 and it was a tumultuous time for finances and personal investments.  The markets were down; the country trying to recover from a debt-filled war with the world.  Atomic bombs simply aren't as cheap as they used to be.  A mild depression was setting over the populace like a sheet of thick fog, an economic crisis facing all but the most affluent of Americans.  The Government seemed powerless and unwilling to step in and lend a hand.  There was only one person making any headway; one person that could turn the whole situation around and make everything right again.  His name was Skip Walker and he had returned.

You all know Skip Walker.  He is a giant among midgets, a large man in a small town.  Skip Walker cares for the needy but thinks that quadrapelegics are a little too demanding.  Skip Walker spends all his free time in an orphanage hoping that he may finally be next on the adoption list.  Skip Walker could use a good home.  There hasn't been a paper towel invented yet that can stand up to the fury of Skip Walker.  Skip Walker is a martial arts master who performs only in blackness and secrecy.  Skip Walker resurrected Bruce Lee using the dark arts only to turn around and kill him again with a vicious judo chop to the throat.  Skip Walker refused to give him a proper second burial.

Skip Walker could spend his whole paycheck at Bed, Bath, & Beyond, but Skip Walker doesn't receive paychecks.  Skip Walker is above money, earning or spending, because he still barters using clam shells and animal hides.  Skip Walker wears moon boots anytime he leaves the house because he's tired of always letting gravity get him down.  Skip Walker was the commander of a battleship that never left his bathtub.  Skip Walker builds scarecrows in his spare time and gives them to those who are less fortunate as Christmas gifts.  Unless you have something nice to say, it's advisable that you don't mention Skip Walker.

Skip Walker has graced more magazine and book covers than anyone else in the known universe but you wouldn't recognize him if he passed you on the street.  Skip Walker refuses to mow the lawn regardless of how much you bitch and whine.  Skip Walker doesn't do yardwork.  Skip Walker would rather empty the ocean with a small bucket than give you a drink of fresh water.  Skip Walker second guesses everything that he does.  Or does he?  Skip Walker once stole a video camera from Circuit City in an effort to make sure that the revolution would be televised but, unable to find one, Skip Walker wound up filming someone playing basketball instead.  Skip Walker once lobbied congress to make it illegal for fat people to jump rope.  Skip Walker thinks that they should know better.

Ben and Jerry approached Skip Walker and wanted to make a flavor of ice cream based on his life.  Skip Walker said no and beat one of them to death with a competing brand.  Skip Walker doesn't like the size of your marketshare and will tell you so in no uncertain terms.  Skip Walker once sued Dr. Dre for malpractice.  Skip Walker is concerned that the pepper dispenser at his local Carl's Jr. isn't getting its fair shake.  Skip Walker once tried to mount a server in a rack of lamb and succeeded brilliantly.  Skip Walker shaves with quicksand.  Skip Walker is immortal but doesn't let that get in the way of a good death.  Skip Walker once boycotted his own business because he felt that it was the right thing to do.

Skip Walker set up the first manned outpost on Mars and got in trouble after using it as an offshore tax haven.  Skip Walker thinks that you're cute.  Skip Walker would buy you lunch if it meant that he was going to get some action.  It's that time of the month for Skip Walker.  Skip Walker rides a white tiger wherever he goes because it gets better gas mileage than his jaguar.  Tonight is the season premiere of Skip Walker and he has his Tivo set to record.  Skip Walker is the centerfold of the magazine of life.  Skip Walker has his own 800 number because he doesn't believe in making friends pay toll charges.  Skip Walker was a drawbridge in another lifetime.  If you rub Skip Walker in the right spot, he will grant you three wishes.  Skip Walker knows bling.

Darkness.  Darkness once clouded the Earth, enveloping it in a claustrophobic iron-like grip.  Darkness is what killed the dinosaurs.  Ancient cultures shared a single belief about a man, one individual who was the bringer of light, the defeater of darkness.  It was said that he circled the Earth endlessly, tirelessly providing daylight and sunshine with his every step, infusing plants and animals alike with energy and rebirth.  The Native Americans named this stranger Skip Walker and he is once again circling the planet.

Skip Walker likes truth and justice but thinks that the American way is entirely dismissible.  Skip Walker treats life like a video game and always makes sure that he is playing at the highest difficulty setting.  Skip Walker set the high score.  Skip Walker thinks that you use cheat codes.  Skip Walker invented the extra value meal because he was tired of not getting his fair share.  Skip Walker thinks that the stock market sucks and refuses to check his voice mail because of it.  Skip Walker is a hard man to get in touch with.

Skip Walker sent out a press release to announce to the world that he was going purchase a diet soda instead of the orange juice that he usually got.  Skip Walker does not talk about Fight Club.  You are not in the same class as Skip Walker, largely because he started school a year before you did.  Skip Walker thinks that textbooks are merely a passing trend.  Skip Walker once held his breath for six minutes as a means of protesting air pollution.  Skip Walker uses facial recognition software while he grocery shops.  Skip Walker thinks that you have a cleanup on aisle nine.

Skip Walker single-handedly revived the breakdancing industry from near death when he introduced his special "camel backspin" move.  Skip Walker ain't no holla back girl.  Skip Walker put a spoiler on his Lincoln Towncar just to piss you off.  Skip Walker has rims that keep spinning.  Skip Walker only drinks root beer because he thinks that it makes him look tough.  Skip Walker is all about appearances.  Skip Walker had a nickname in elementary school and that nickname was "Bubbles."

Skip Walker once broke into a prison because he heard that the food was better on the inside.  Skip Walker once dated a cafeteria lady because he simply can't resist the fishnet hats.  Skip Walker isn't one to cry over spilled milk but he did yell out in anger once after someone dropped a cup of coffee.  Skip Walker has no horoscope.  Skip Walker got his college degree in marriage counseling because he thought that it would help his dating prospects.  Skip Walker would prefer that you hang up on him because he likes the soothing sound of the dialtone.  Skip Walker claims checkmate.

Skip Walker was the original drummer for Def Leppard and eventually left the band because he hates rock music.  Skip Walker has your credit card information.  Skip Walker wears a pirate patch to bed because he always sleeps with one eye open.  Skip Walker had a pet bird that died and he gave it to Goodwill.  Skip Walker rose the rank of Major while doing tours of duty with the Salvation Army.  Skip Walker has no tracking number.  There is a small microchip embedded in your neck and it has Skip Walker's picture on it.  Skip Walker is the one who caused the leak in your roof.

Skip Walker's inbox is filled with undeliverable email.  Skip Walker really likes handcuffs but prefers to be tied up because he likes showing restraint.  Skip Walker was the guy behind the guy that shot Kennedy.  Skip Walker once cured himself of pneumonia and decided to write a children's book about the whole ordeal.  Skip Walker thinks that it's important that toddlers know gun safety.  Skip Walker hates the idea of blank CD-Rs and backs up all his data to vinyl.  If you step out of line, Skip Walker will adjust your volume levels.  Skip Walker is in the mix.

He knows how it is.  He goes away for a little while and look what happens.  Some half-ass goes and gets a little bit of fame off an internet campaign, building off what he started.  Oh, don't worry, he's not mad.  He doesn't get mad.  He merely is, always standing in the background and watching.  He sees your cheap imitation and now mocks you as you dwindle to ruin while your jokes become played out.  Yes, Chuck Norris, he's talking about you.  He's Skip Walker, and they are making a documentary about his bathroom habits.

Skip Walker was born in a nursery rhyme and he recites nursing homes to children at the playground.  Skip Walker secretly envies the Jeffersons because he is unable to move on up but he doesn't let that get in the way of him being upwardly mobile.  Skip Walker invented the emoticon to hide his immense dislike for you.  Skip Walker is automatically overruling your objection well before you ever make it.  Skip Walker knows justice.  In case of fire, please use the stairs to find Skip Walker.  Never use the elevator.  Skip walker bucks conventional wisdom.  Skip Walker once killed a man with a fountain pen and now he feels like he is a marked man.  Skip Walker only beats women and children.

Skip Walker bought a new Bentley coupe and uses it to deliver pizzas.  Skip Walker crossed the streams and refuses to live in shame because of it.  Skip Walker ain't afraid of no ghost.  Skip Walker spends most of his free time browsing flower and plant websites because he likes looking at the seedier side of the internet.  If you don't support the terrorists then Skip Walker has already won.  The inbox on Skip Walker's phone is full and he hasn't read any of the messages.  Skip Walker might just be ignoring you.  Skip Walker passed go but opted not to collect his $200.  Skip Walker owns the property that you just landed on.  Skip Walker is the top hat.

Skip Walker is robbing banks in order to afford the high price of freedom.  Skip Walker is dropping saki bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima and he hears that the people of Japan are pretty happy about it.  Skip Walker works closely with people that he feels are out of reach.  Skip Walker is banned from saying the word "keystroke" in 47 states because the local governments find it too empowering to the people.  Skip Walker says that the revolution is now.  Skip Walker will not be televised.  Skip Walker once sang a ballad to a deaf person because it struck him as the right thing to do.  Skip Walker carries an open/closed sign with him at all times so that other people know he means business.  Skip Walker is 24/7/365.

The first rule of Skip Walker is that you should always talk about Skip Walker, unless you live in North Dakota, where it is local law that you cannot talk about Skip Walker for fear of your kool-aid priviliges being revoked.  Skip Walker prefers to stay at the Embassy Suites because only fags and communists stay at Motel 6.  Skip Walker refuses to leave the light on for you.  Skip Walker is in a final Jeopardy showdown with Ken Jennings and he is intentionally writing down the wrong answer.  Skip Walker doesn't do Myspace so stop asking.  Skip Walker outsources his laundry needs because he hates getting his hands dirty.  Skip Walker refuses to seperate his colors.

Skip Walker was your secret Santa and everyone knew about it but you.  Skip Walker only buys gifts that he likes in hopes that you'll wind up returning it.  It's hard to measure a man like Skip Walker but he finds 36-24-36 pretty appealing.  Skip Walker once drank a gallon of Drano because he felt like his pipes could use a little cleaning.  Skip Walker constantly walks around on stilts because he thinks that he is above everyone else.  Skip Walker really isn't that tall.  Skip Walker refuses to use his turn signal and feels that he is a better man because of it.  Skip Walker gave all his money away to charity because he finds finances boring.  Skip Walker is the gift that keeps on giving because Skip Walker is everywhere you want to be.  Skip Walker turned down the role of "Tubbs" on Miami Vice because he didn't want to be typecast as a black actor forever.  Skip Walker is Shaft.

There comes a time in every person's life where they know that after this, it's all downhill from here.  Sure, you'll have some good times in the future but, pretty much, you'll never be able to match the excitement that you feel at this moment.  It's like having 10,000 orgasms all at once.  10,000 orgasms while floating in space.  You're not even aware that you could get this excited about something and you feel like your body is going to break down at any minute.  You don't want it to but you're pretty sure that you weren't designed for this.  It's a once in a lifetime chance and you know it.  You treasure it.  You just met Skip Walker for the first time.

Take a deep breath.  There, you smell that?  That's Skip Walker.  Skip Walker owns a mountain bike with 22" rims but is tempted to sell it due to the high prices of gasoline.  Skip Walker could use some snaps for his petrol.  Skip Walker spent four years of his life living aboard an airplane and was never once delayed.  Skip Walker is departing from Gate 14.  Skip Walker is making every effort to bring back the trucker hat and refuses to ask for your opinion on the matter.  You may have seen Skip Walker running through wheat fields in slow motion but he claims you were just drunk.  Skip Walker is not the sentimental type.

Skip Walker would run for President but he thinks that his intense hatred of white people would hold him back.  Skip Walker has a patent on domestic spying and is seriously considering suing the NSA for infringement.  Skip Walker has seen your Myspace profile and thinks even less of you now than he did before.  Skip Walker knows goth.  Skip Walker once authored a romance novel involving a cat and a carrot which sold over 12 million copies.  Skip Walker writes in braille.  Skip Walker always wanted to be a millionaire but his fear of Regis Philbin has continued to hold him back.  Skip Walker once had five on it but after careful consideration, he decided to only give you three.  Skip Walker isn't worth the paper he's printed on.

Skip Walker is a fat free food.  Beer is also a fat free food but Skip Walker tastes better.  Skip Walker is not imported.  Skip Walker makes sure that he is never alone when playing Solitaire.  Skip Walker knows everybody on the planet and has to resort to visiting graveyards in an effort to meet new people.  Skip Walker only staffs his companies with midgets because Skip Walker hates big business.  Skip Walker has a few open positions and will be conducting interviews Tuesday at 3pm.  Skip Walker is HR.  Skip Walker constantly mixes up North and South America because he looks at the world a little differently than everyone else.  Skip Walker dislikes quicksand because he prefers truth in advertising.  Skip Walker woke up quick at about noon because he thought that he had to be in Compton soon.  Skip Walker doesn't live anywhere near Compton.

Skip Walker spends a good portion of his free time orbiting the Earth because he has a true dislike for the greenhouse effect.  Skip Walker despises the dictionary because it contains words like pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.  Skip Walker thinks that a better word could be used for lung disease.  Skip Walker has phonebooks for sale and nobody is buying them.  Skip Walker once got a cash advance in order to buy rare coins.  Skip Walker lost all of his street cred after he refused to ghost ride the whip he just stole.  Skip Walker is riding dirty.  Skip Walker knows Gucci but is pretty sure that Fendi is gay.  Skip Walker hates his stereotype so he went to Circuit City and picked up another one.  Skip Walker is nothing like a 6-disc changer.

Skip Walker once spent six months in a cardboard box as a means to raise money for AIDS research.  Skip Walker refuses to buy anything less than a gallon of milk because he's awfully tired of looking at missing children during breakfast.  Skip Walker cries tears of orange juice when he thinks no one is looking.  Skip Walker knows what a corn husker is and he refuses to tell you.  Skip Walker has a database backend that no one knows about.  Skip Walker is web enabled.  Skip Walker still uses the old "fly in the ice cube" gag because he thinks it's funny.  Skip Walker has a bad habit of de-pantsing strangers on the street because he wants to make sure that they are anatomically correct.  Skip Walker beat out Vanna White for the Wheel of Fortune job but eventually passed on the opportunity because he doesn't look good in a dress.  Skip Walker once memorized the alphabet.  Twice.  Top that, smart guy.

Some say that we are headed towards a day of reckoning; the day in which God himself will float down to Earth and smite the entire populace with barely a flick of his wrist.  Pastors and preachers have been harping on the faithful for centuries: repent now or burn with the rest of the sinners.  And they do.  They kneel, they pray; they donate what they can to the church in order for a better chance at salvation.  These people are fools.  The world is no closer to ending now than it was millenniums ago for if God were to ever step foot on this planet, even he would be tested.  He would have to face the wrath of Earth's greatest protector.  He would have to face the wrath of Skip Walker.


Skip Walker doesn't look down on the handicapped but he does look down at people in wheelchairs so that he can see them eye-to-eye.  Skip Walker hops around on one foot because he likes having a leg up on the competition.  Skip Walker secretly envies bald people because they have no need to budget for shampoo and this makes him jealous.  Skip Walker won best of breed at the annual Illinois State Dog Fair in 2004 but refused to come back in 2005 and defend his title on the grounds that Illinois as a state "sucks."  Skip Walker wants you and your lesbian friend to come over and clean his house.

Skip Walker knows that the internet is not a big truck that you can just dump stuff on.  Skip Walker realizes that it's merely a series of tubes.  Skip Walker entered his own name in google and was happy to see that it returned over 800 results.  Skip Walker found the meaning of life on page four.  Skip Walker installed spyware on your computer when you last took it in for servicing and now he knows all of your passwords to that website you visit when you think no one is looking.  Skip Walker always makes sure that he is away from his desk when you call, partially because he doesn't like you but mostly because he finds the voicemail light on his phone soothing.  Skip Walker snipes his own auctions on ebay because he likes the thrill of victory.

Skip Walker was pirating on the high seas way before it became chic.  Skip Walker had a notable role in the Super Mario Bros. movie where he played the guy who sold Luigi a cactus.  The scene was eventually cut from the theatrical release.  Skip Walker sells bootleg dvds out of the back of his rental car because he believes that Blockbuster is run by a bunch of communists.  Skip Walker directed the movie "Reefer Madness" and he'd like to remind you that the ultimate collector's edition DVD will be released in 2010.  Skip Walker intentionally sets forest fires because he's addicted to second hand smoke.


Skip Walker will throw you a life vest if you're drowning but start laughing once you realize that it's full of holes and deflating rapidly.  Skip Walker was aboard the Titanic but merely walked to shore once the ship began sinking.  Skip Walker lowered his car and then put big tires on it just to confuse everyone else on the road.  Skip Walker pimps his ride.  Skip Walker often leaves the faucet running in public bathrooms in order to create awareness for water conservation.  Skip Walker is bulimic because he believes in being old-fashioned.  Skip Walker will send you postcards for places he's never been just to remind you that you once gave him syphilis.  One time, Skip Walker was the secret ingredient on the "Iron Chef" show.

Skip Walker walks to Jiffy Lube and asks for an oil change, but only because he really likes the taste of free coffee.  Skip Walker offers enemas to the homeless because research shows that it'll prevent the next big earthquake in India.  Cleanliness is next to Skip Walker.  Skip Walker is all for using the metric system but he thinks that Celsius is for weirdos and dorks.  Skip Walker wrote a check that his butt can't cash, largely because his butt knows nothing about banking, online or otherwise.  Skip Walker is a defaulted loan.  Skip Walker once enrolled himself in a concentration camp because he thought that it would make him smarter.  Skip Walker has a lot of Jewish friends.


Skip Walker has no hands and still leads the MLB in runs batted in.  Skip Walker drinks spolied milk because he doesn't believe in expiration dates.  Skip Walker granted himself access to your apartment while you were sleeping and stole a bottle of ketchup from your refrigerator.  Skip Walker lives in the desert because he appreciates humidity.  Skip Walker is getting all hot about global warming.  Skip Walker wound up pregnant once but laughed, shrugged, and walked it off.  Skip Walker committed the entire English dictionary to memory and then proceeded to disregard only the words that he felt were important.  Skip Walker is more than a written update.

It was an age of tyranny.  The rights of man had been trampled and the collective spirit of the populace lay broken like the promises of politicians across the planet.  War was everywhere; a global conflict that continued to spread like wildfire.  The economy was controlled by cutthroat mega-corporations who would use their vast array of wealth and resources to silence anyone that opposed them.  The outlook was dire and civilization looked as though it was on the brink of self-destruction.   The people needed a champion; a hero to stand up for what was right and who had the power to fight fire with an even bigger fire.  That man was only a phone call away and the number was 1-800-SKIP-WALKER.

This man is not Skip Walker but plays him on TV.

Skip Walker wakes up every morning and showers with a chalkboard because he believes in starting each day with a clean slate.  Skip Walker doesn't need to shave because his beard particles fall out on command.  Skip Walker sits down when he pees and isn't afraid to write a book about it.   Skip Walker is his own entourage.  Skip Walker doesn't want no drama, which is why he chooses to rent comedy and horror movies instead.   Skip Walker is making his life story into an after-school special and it'll star Fred Savage as a young Skip.  Skip Walker taught Hulk Hogan everything he knew about acting.  If you're not careful, Skip Walker will vote you off the island.

Skip Walker molests priests to get revenge for every altar boy that has ever been wronged.  As a professional boxer, Skip Walker was known for knocking out opponents with his christian right.  If you're bad, Skip Walker will bend you over his knee and spank you with his bible belt.  Skip Walker likes to back into fights because he doesn't have the stomach for it.   Skip Walker refuses to roll with the punches.  Skip Walker was once brutally assualted by his assistant so he knows a thing or two about secretarian violence.  If you ask nicely, Skip Walker will invest in your 401k with counterfeit funds.  Skip Walker is a criminal mastermind who is plotting to rob a Wal-Mart.  Skip Walker knows this because Tyler Durden knows this.

Skip Walker orders his rye with no catcher because he hates the sport of baseball.  Skip Walker once called up QVC and bought out the entire shipment of commemorative Dale Earnhardt lifesize cardboard cutouts just so that you couldn't have any.  Skip Walker is more than just a bunch of left turns.  Skip Walker admits that while Hanson's first album had some definite standout tracks, "This Time Around" was a better showcase of their overall talent.  Skip Walker is goofing off on company time and he doesn't care if your boss knows about it.  Skip Walker is going to start using the "It's ok, I had Subway for lunch" joke again because he never really got tired of hearing it.  Skip Walker tried to bring sexy back but he no longer had the original receipt and had to settle for store credit instead of a refund.  Skip Walker is, however, going to bring back the tuxedo shirt whether you like it or not.  Skip Walker is ribbed for his personal pleasure.

This man plays a TV on Skip Walker.

Skip Walker has a cache of hidden weapons that he is telling everyone about.   Skip Walker plays tennis with a protection racket because he's extremely concerned about his safety.  Skip Walker purchased two H2 hummers and drives them everywhere he goes simply because he personally detests gasoline.   Skip Walker drives slow in the fast lane and plays his stereo full blast while driving through a deaf community.  Skip Walker implanted a GPS chip in his neck so that he can constantly keep track of himself.  Skip Walker has a plan for Iraq and it comes with unlimited anytime minutes.  Skip Walker will lightly jog for president in 2008.  Skip Walker is a marketing genius and he has the pie charts to prove it.  Skip Walker is his own target demographic.

The Han Dynasty was the second imperial dynasty of China and is considered a golden age in Chinese history. Spanning over four centuries, it was during this time that an ancient Chinese text, the Book of Changes (or I Ching), was written and preserved on bamboo slips. The book originally detailed a divination system that was comparable to Western geomancy but during the Warring States period, the text was re-interpreted as a system of cosmology and philosophy that subsequently became intrinsic to Chinese culture. It centered on the ideas of the dynamic balance of opposites, the evolution of events as a process, and the foretelling of a prophecy that one day a man of supernatural ability would appear and live among the common people. This man was so-named Skip Walker and he is watching you shower through a high-powered telescope.

Skip Walker once brought scuba gear with him to open mic night because he always wanted to stage dive. Surfacing around Skip Walker will give you the bends. Skip Walker is opening a stand-up comedy school for paraplegics in a downtrodden neighborhood. Skip Walker is building a parking lot for the handicapped at the top of a steep hill. Skip Walker is zoning entire city blocks as Embassy parking and doesn't give a damn whether it's convenient for you. Skip Walker is setting fire to all of your unpaid traffic tickets. Skip Walker is all up in your country's health care debate, reforming it. Skip Walker is introducing a bi-partisan bill to do away with one of the parties but he's not telling which. Skip Walker once passed a kidney stone by reconciliation.

Skip Walker is cutting off the tops of your trees and his behavior is leaving you stumped. Calls to Skip Walker for comment are not returned. Skip Walker is holding power lunches at Denny's because he only feels comfortable eating around old people. Skip Walker is his own clientele and he's making someone else foot the bill. Skip Walker doesn't work for a living but he lives to work. Skip Walker is driving around in an ornate barrette and making hairpin turns. Skip Walker is pretending to be colorblind and he's running all the red lights. Skip Walker is an expired insurance card. Skip Walker is test-driving an 1981 Pinto at a used car lot near you.

Skip Walker has friends in high places but they rarely keep in touch because he is afraid of heights. Have your people call Skip Walker's people. Skip Walker is playing phone tag with himself. Skip Walker wants to discuss sensitive topics with you while you're on speakerphone. Skip Walker is making a late night booty call and asking you for kinky sex. Skip Walker says that he has a carrot cake and some plastic wrap for you to work with. Skip Walker wants you to make it happen. Skip Walker is so vain, his safe word is "Skip Walker." Skip Walker can command animals to orgasm on his command and he's not afraid to use that technique to prove a point. Web 3.0 is going to include a tag for Skip Walker.

You can find Skip Walker inside your kitchen cooking up a TV dinner made from spare electronic parts. Skip Walker is washing that down with Bacardi 151 and he doesn't care if it's 7:30 in the morning. Skip Walker has a liver made from vacuum tubes. Skip Walker is the mascot for your child's favorite cereal. Silly Skip Walker, Trix are for kids. Skip Walker doesn't lock the bathroom door when he's using it. Skip Walker is waiting for you to join him. Skip Walker always responds +2 to your Evite because he finds the idea of you spending unnecessary money in preparation hilarious. Skip Walker has nothing to say but it takes him 1000 words to tell you that. Skip Walker is the strong, silent type.

Skip Walker lied to you about being a cop and now you have a false sense of security. Skip Walker stabbed your imaginary friend and he considers it a victimless crime. If looks could kill, Skip Walker would have a rap sheet three feet long. Skip Walker is using a weed whacker to shave his pubic hair and is using it to make wigs for cancer patients. Charity is Skip Walker's middle name. Skip Walker only takes coins from prostitutes because he enjoys the idea of loose change. Skip Walker is little in the middle but he got much back. Skip Walker appeared in a few television ads and now people claim that he has gone commercial. Skip Walker is this generation's Skip Walker.

Skip Walker is shopping at the dollar store and he's got a fistful of coupons to use. Skip Walker drives a Jeep Liberty and is not afraid to go out and do masculine things with his friends. Skip Walker expresses his political views solely through bumper stickers. One time, Skip Walker touched a black man's radio, despite Chris Tucker giving him advice to the contrary. Skip Walker is buying an expensive sound system and plans to rock out to opera music. Skip Walker employs a tattoo artist who is an epileptic. All Skip Walker has in this world is his balls and his word, assuming that you ignore the million other things that Skip Walker owns. Skip Walker is coming up with his own set of rules to play by. Skip Walker was meant to be broken.

Skip Walker rates his own updates a 1.5 because he has a sick fascination with decimal points. Skip Walker is sending promotional materials to your marketing department that contain pictures of Subway sandwiches. Skip Walker avoids the limelight because he's allergic to citrus. Skip Walker is preparing to leave town on the same horse he road in on. Skip Walker is a one-trick pony but that one trick happens to be really cool. Skip Walker doesn't think you're funny. Skip Walker laughs at your jokes to make you feel better. Skip Walker is writing a tell-all book about silence. Skip Walker is a tall drink of water. Skip Walker won't fill you up. Skip Walker never lets you down. The difference in Skip Walker is drinkability.

Civilizations of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica long believed that two gods, Kukulkan and Tepeu, were responsible for the creation of life on Earth. According to the story, both deities decided to preserve their legacy by creating an Earth-bound species in their own image. The first attempt was to sculpt man from the mud and soil but Tepeu and Kukulkán quickly found that the mud crumbled and the idea needed to be re-thought. The next plan was to carve man from wood but with wood having no soul, man soon lost loyalty to the creators and the gods destroyed them with rain. In a third and final attempt, Kukulkan and Tepeu gathered 15 rare minerals from across the planet and created one single entity from which all man was to be descended from. His name is Skip Walker and he is getting your sister pregnant with his mind.

Skip Walker isn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth, mostly because he is not a licensed veterinarian and has no business inspecting the insides of horses. Skip Walker graduated from medical school just so that he could get a discount on latex gloves. Skip Walker is pulling a Howie Mandel when no one is looking. Skip Walker hates using the word cockscomb and isn't afraid to write a thesis on the subject. Skip Walker's life is a lot like "A Beautiful Mind" but without all the boring math getting in the way of great adventure. Skip Walker knows a thing or two about counting to three. Skip Walker eats the silica preservation packets found in bags of food, not because of some deep-seeded loathing for the law but mainly because he thinks silica tastes good. Mattress tags are not safe around Skip Walker.

Skip Walker supports the troops and is taking a submarine out for a joyride to prove his point. Skip Walker is an army of one and he's traveling in the carpool lane. Skip Walker is opening a slow oil change business and you can have your car back in a few days. Skip Walker knows that when life gives you lemons, you should make nice with a colorblind person and re-sell them as oranges. Skip Walker is not above using you for monetary gain. Skip Walker has an amputee friend and they are going to the second hand store together. Skip Walker is holding a conversation with you and filling in the dead space with questions like, "Can you believe it's Thursday already?" Skip Walker is happy and knows it, and refuses to clap his hands. You aren't looking so well; you should take some Skip Walker.

Skip Walker signed up for match.com because he thought it was a site for fire enthusiasts. Skip Walker's profile lists his hobbies as racketeering and driving drunk. Skip Walker is living in a Volvo with a Slayer bumper sticker on the back. Skip Walker is so metal that he makes cocktails by pouring the ingredients into his mouth and banging his head. Skip Walker wants someone to open a restaurant named "I Don't Care" so that he can finally take his girlfriend to the place she keeps talking about. Skip Walker was originally pegged to be the Dos Equis spokesperson but the company ultimately deemed him "too interesting." Skip Walker doesn't hate giraffes; he just thinks they need to be put in their place and brought down a peg or two. Skip Walker is going as you for Halloween.

Skip Walker is a rap artist whose music caters exclusively to people with prosthetic appendages. Skip Walker is telling you to throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care. Skip Walker is putting salt in his own game. Skip Walker hates marathons and because of this, people label him a racist. Skip Walker wants to learn how to juggle but he just doesn't have the balls to do it. Skip Walker is falling down an escalator going up and looking good in the process. Skip Walker is performing brain surgery on homeless people and he's not afraid to give you a piece of their mind. Skip Walker uses paper towels for inappropriate purposes and isn't shy about proclaiming that fact during his therapy sessions. Skip Walker is setting time limits on your conversations. Skip Walker is what you talk about around the water cooler at work.

Skip Walker is making friends out of glue and Lego pieces because he wants to hang around people who are well-connected. Skip Walker is conducting a nationwide poll and asking for your opinion on nationwide polls. Skip Walker is calling you during dinner. Skip Walker purchased his dog a cell phone plan with plenty of rollover minutes. Skip Walker assigns himself homework each night because he misses being in school. Skip Walker is nervous about the history final next week. Skip Walker attended Pirate College and passed with flying colors. Skip Walker is hosting a charity event that benefits Skip Walker. Skip Walker is ghost riding a monster truck through the village of the damned. The speed limit around Skip Walker is 25 MPH. Stay tuned, Skip Walker will be continued after this commercial break.

Skip Walker wants you to visit here and like what you see.

It was August 9th, 2005, a day which will live somewhere between infamy and completely forgettable, depending on whether you know how to use a computer, have learned to read, and whether you practice reading things while on your computer. It was on this date way back then around 3:00 in the afternoon that the Internet got its first taste of what would soon become its favorite dish: the Skip Walker surprise. Hailing from relative obscurity, it didn't take long after the first update was posted for fans to catch "Walker fever" and before I could even count to some number higher than 4,000, at least five people knew who he was. Rave reviews in the form of absolutely no feedback whatsoever began pouring in and the rest is history.

If you've been around these parts long enough, Skip Walker really needs no introduction and yet, he gets one every time. I've written a large number of articles about his exploits and he's contributed his fair share of submissions, but like all good things to come from Pollestad.Net -- OK, the only good thing to come from Pollestad.Net -- once you're famous, there are probably a million other, better outlets for your talent. As such, he doesn't stop by the P.Net campus much anymore and has moved on to writing daily updates on his Facebook and Twitter feeds. That would be perfectly acceptable behavior if we were getting some kind of kick back or royalties but since we're not, it only seems fair to co-opt what he's doing over there and use it over here also. (When he supplies a DMCA notice, we'll cease and possibly desist.)

But before you get all high and mighty and say, "Oh, so this is just going to be an update full of recycled material," let me stop you by saying that you're only 78% right. While yes, I am taking the best of what he has already posted over there and re-using it here, I'm also adding a bunch of new, exclusive stuff that no one has ever seen before for the purposes of making it worth your while. Plus, not everyone is everywhere or reads everything so maybe this is new to them. Whatever. The point is, if you were a true fan, you'd be liking/following Skip Walker in all available formats, so if you haven't done so already, go follow the links above and do your thing. We seriously have to stop meeting like this.

Skip Walker is quickly becoming a household name, especially in households that contain someone named "Skip Walker." Skip Walker grew up living on a fault line and people say he came from a broken home. Skip Walker is his own adopted son. When Skip Walker was younger, he yearned to be a dermatologist. Unfortunately, his desire was only skip deep. One time, Skip Walker stopped in the name of love and caused a five car pile-up on the freeway. Skip Walker replaced his windshield with an American flag and he's homeward bound. Skip Walker is a professional driver on a closed course and he's putting monster truck tires on his Prius. Skip Walker is nature's safest greenhouse gas.

Skip Walker fully supports the atmosphere's life choices because he is environmentally friendly. Skip Walker has a little Captain Planet in him. Skip Walker is not afraid to get drunk and pass out on your lawn, just to prove his point about the Civil War. Skip Walker is seceding from the plumber's union. One time, Skip Walker put all his eggs in the same basket. It worked out fine. Skip Walker only borrows money from pessimists because they never expect to be repaid. Skip Walker is just another word for nothing left to lose. Skip Walker is making a bucket list and putting "mop" and "rusty" right at the top. Skip Walker knows five languages and they all sound the same.

Skip Walker has a plan to end racial intolerance in this country and it involves otter pops. Skip Walker is a famous DJ who is spinning 8-track tapes at your local disco. Skip Walker is barely stayin' alive due to a serious case of Saturday Night Fever. Skip Walker is wearing his t-shirt inside out because he doesn't have to explain himself to you. Skip Walker is happy, knows it, and refuses to clap his hands. Skip Walker is opening a slow oil change business and you can have your car back in a few days. Skip Walker loves laundering money but at $1 per load, it gets expensive. Skip Walker gets upset before things happen to him. Doctors have diagnosed it as pre-traumatic stress syndrome. Skip Walker looks at the world through Skip Walker-colored glasses.

Skip Walker is a lot like shooting fish in a barrel in that they both are like what the hell this doesn't even make sense. Skip Walker put his cell phone inside a syringe and now he's calling all the shots. Skip Walker ain't afraid of no ghost but he is occasionally afraid of using proper English to talk about how tough he is. Skip Walker sometimes smokes oil prices because he likes to be high for no good reason. Skip Walker is going back to the future but with his front pointed sideways. Yesterday, Skip Walker wrote a song about a fishing net. It's a pretty catchy tune. Skip Walker is lip-syncing slow jams to help get you in the mood. Skip Walker is pouring his drink in your lap and now you're all wet "down there." Skip Walker wants to hold your hand, gently stroke your back and casually mention that you have something stuck in your teeth. Skip Walker likes to take long, romantic walks to the drive-through window. Skip Walker is hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to hollar at you. Skip Walker is going to start calling you by your new nickname, "Skip Walker."

Skip Walker is often accused of shifting blame to others but it's really not his fault. Skip Walker gets knocked down but he gets up again. Assuming he wasn't injured in the original fall. Skip Walker is keeping secrets from his watch because he forgot how to tell time. Skip Walker is done pretending and he's moving on to posttending. Skip Walker is creating a new online persona, which is a sassy black woman with the catch-phrase "corn fritters!" Skip Walker is going on vacation next door. Skip Walker is like, you know, planning on like visiting the Valley one day. Skip Walker used to play for the WNBA, back when they allowed men to join. Skip Walker is the guy yelling "get in the hole" right after every putt during a PGA event. Skip Walker will drive you to drink but he won't pick you up afterward. Skip Walker speaks with translucent words and you can see right through his lies. Skip Walker will tell your dry cleaner anything he wants to hear just to get into your pants.

Skip Walker has a hat made out of gold and it is weighing heavily on his mind. Skip Walker will sometimes talk about himself behind his back. Skip Walker is providing scuba gear to diver scallops and hoping for the best. Skip Walker is rocking out in a house made of granite. Skip Walker refuses to throw glass in his stone house. Skip Walker keeps his game stalag-tight. One time, Skip Walker made a bed out of patience and now he is lying in wait. Skip Walker noticed that his closet floor has some clothes that are off the hook. Skip Walker is a puzzle, for ages 3 and up. Skip Walker looks at himself in the mirror every day and simply says, "Yes." Skip Walker watches porn movies for the intricate and complex story lines. There is something about Skip Walker that just feels right. Skip Walker has made you some cookies and they are available here.